Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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