I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
