I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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