you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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