But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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