My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
