Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize
