Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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