not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
soo... how was my night?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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