I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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