he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
