just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
