Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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