Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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