you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
