I faked an abortion last night.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
