the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
