I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Damn victory sex feels great
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
