I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
