You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
