And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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