i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
