she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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