Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
