Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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