He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
