Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
