Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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