dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He told me they were just razor bumps!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
