god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
