yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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