Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
someone owes me an orgasm
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
