hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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