the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
