last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we're so committed to being not committed
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
