and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
