Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
