Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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