life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
