Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do vagina's smell?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
