Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
