Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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