So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
