I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
