Screwed.edu
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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