Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
