I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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