I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
