i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
