i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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