I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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