oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
