the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
