I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
